Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Times are tough. People are losing their jobs, homes, identities. It can lead people to bad places. We are all subject to this stress from time to time.
Sometimes desperate times result in desperate acts by otherwise reasonable people. People are quick to rage at normally simple conflicts.
It seems a good time to review our mental conflict basics. One tried and true way to check ourselves is to begin with the end in mind. Think about how you would want things to come out given some different scenarios. Think about what you stand to lose if you allow yourself to be wrapped up in a physical confrontation, or worse, injured or incarcerated.
Don’t let your ego escalate an incident. Keep in mind that we can take a breath between stimulus and response and choose our response.
Remember, 97% of people out there can be talked down! The need to defend our ego, save face, and have the last word are our worst enemy in an emotional conflict.
Sun Tzu said that the greatest victories are those secured without a fight. This is the truth! Measure your values, and consider what eyes are measuring you. How would a child view your handling of the incident? How would your Mother? Do your values warrant your current or intended behavior? This is best decided before adrenaline is introduced! Do the homework!
People will attack you on any level necessary to feel better about the situation they are in. Your presence, your calm, your words have every opportunity to defuse a bad situation from getting worse.
As always, it is just as important to work on your verbal and psychological strategies as it is to work your physical tools. Practice with a training partner, and defuse some common issues. Make a list of possible issues you might face, and who might present the challenge. Work through some responses in advance.
Remember, the consequences of a conflict can lead us in many places we don’t want to be…. Like Court, the emergency room, and the morgue. Choose wisely, and better yet, choose in advance when at all possible.
Be safe!