Sunday, May 3, 2009
In my last post, I mentioned the focus of my upcoming project as being the development of Resiliency. I have spent a lot of time this week writing and developing my upcoming weekly course at the Crossfight MMA school.
Along the way I have contemplated what to weave into this hybrid Personal Protection based curriculum. When we think of self defense and martial arts we think of kick and punch. When we see people training for that most horrific moment, we forget the smaller, less adrenal conflicts we have every day.
While it is my utmost responsibility to impart capacity for safety, what additional concepts or tactics can we share to enhance the overall quality of their lives? The goal, so brilliantly reframed for me by Leon Koh, a fellow coach from Singapore, is Bounce Forward. I was referencing the comparison of “bounce back” with a descriptive of resiliency, and Leon reminded me of the direction we wanted to head. Thanks Leon, that’ll do just fine!
The point is that most of us don’t live lives that involve violence on a regular level. While law enforcement professionals and soldiers are exposed by choice of vocation to the reality of these threats, most of us go about our lives and don’t see the caustic world of violence until it visits us at an unplanned, unexpected time.
Even further, most of our conflicts in life offer us a few opportunities. First, an opportunity to learn, second, an opportunity to grow. I consider this the “Bounce Forward” principle. Its as easy as asking yourself those two questions after any event. What can I learn from this? What opportunity to grow can I draw from this?
This past week, fortunately, Ninjas did not descend on my home, forcing me into the physical realm of defensive tactics. I did, however, experience two things that made me ask myself those two ever important questions.
First, I got word that a friend of mine, same age, family, kids, all around good guy was diagnosed with Cancer. While his prognosis is not certain, it is a not so good thing to have happen, and my thoughts went to these questions. Anyone who has dealt with the “C” word knows the feeling that comes when it is mentioned. A self evaluation of how we spend our lives and treat ourselves and others, as well as our adherence to our espoused principles is sure to follow. If you are worrying, you are wasting the opportunity to actually be doing something about the source. Live well.
Second, a day later, I got a scathing email from a mentor of mine, I have been vacant in our friendship for a while, and I have moved to other activities in life. He was a very important factor in my development, and I neglected to mention his influence, or share credit for me moving forward in my studies with him. His disappointment and emotion was evident in his email to me, and forced me to ask my questions again.
The big point of the post is this: How do we take these things and bounce forward. Do we take the initial shock and pack it away, or do we ask ourselves hard questions, learn and grow?
Cancer choses a host, and all we can do is make it such a healthy host that it kills the cancer. Worrying, or wallowing, or passing cliche’s to my friend do nothing for his recovery to victory. Sharing laughter and reinforcement not only help him, but they help me too.
Bouncing forward with my mentor has proven a more difficult set of questions, but answers reframe the context of his words. I can’t control the emotions and hurts of another, but if in sharing credit and respect for the contributions a friend made to my development, then that is high ground that I would prefer to occupy. Friendship means different things to different people, and I hold them with no account of time passed between connections. I reaffirm that point here.
Sometimes taking time to address smaller issues in an effective way in life lends us a foundation to dealing with much bigger, more ominous issues. Building those mental blueprints for moving forward give us the roadmap and paradigms that lead us into our future more prepared, and confident.
The next curve ball that comes your way should give you the opportunity to reflect on how you choose to “bounce forward”. The quality of the questions you ask of yourself will determine the quality of your learning experience.